Definitions

Today, I was defined. A good friend of mine came to visit me, and while he was here, he got a phone call from one of his friends. He said he was hanging out with his friend, PGee, and she said "Who's that?" Well, I was defined as his "crazy pregnant friend in an on again off again relationship with a guy who is perfect for her but he won't get his shit together and realize it so they fight a lot. She also has more crazy stuff happen to her than anyone I know." So, there I am, all defined in two sentences, and it got me thinking: how are we really defined?

We are all mothers, daughters, or sisters to someone, and a lot of times, we are more defined by the relationships we have with people than by who we are. For the first few months of college, I was known simply as "Evan's girlfriend." It was like my official title. Also, I know my brother lives in my shadow as "PGee's little brother," everywhere he goes. Then, we get pregnant, and our lives are redefined all over again.

Now, we are all about the baby. For us, a lot of people only see Evan and I as the people who are having a baby. We've lost friends and found friends we didn't expect from this. We've had support and discouragement. It seemed for a while that all we would be remembered for is this baby.

Now, don't get me wrong, I love my baby more than anything in this world, and he isn't even born yet, but I am not just this "pregnant girl," and when the baby is born, I will not just be his or her mother. I feel like mothers everywhere lose themselves in their children, and as a result, we see crazed pageant mothers and stage mothers who live their lives through their children, so, I think we should declare one day a week as "Me" day. It's hard. Life is demanding, but when we start to lose ourselves, what kind of parents will we be?