The Injustice of Pregnancy

Ok, so I couldn't do it anymore and had to ask my mom to borrow money for some new jeans. She was really cool about it, and we went shopping. And I just got to thinking, how freaking unfair is this? Yes, I will have the option to take him to court and get child support from him once the baby is born, but what about now?

I passed Evan on the street today. He was in his car with his ex. (I was told btw, that he's just using her to cover things with his parents) All I could think of was, God, I hope he's happy with his life, driving his nice new car, living for free off his parents, and probably just making enough money to take that skank out every day. Meanwhile, I have to pay rent, food, I can't get a car because I don't have enough money to pay the payments and insurance, I have to think about college but he's already graduated, and I have to buy a few clothes because I keep gaining weight. He pays to put gas in his car and then whatever else he wants to do while he looks for a job with his stupid degree (theater...like anything is going to happen with that) and I'm basically living with nothing. I finally sucked it up and applied for WIC so I could make sure I was eating healthy.

It really ticks me off that the man just produces the sperm, and I know we joke about how a man should have to go through pregnancy, but seriously, there is nothing to force them to take responsibility for their actions from the moment they find out. Whoever the poor mother of a child is with this kind of father has to wait for nine months to get any help from him and then it has to be forced.

So that's my bitching for the day. AHHHHHHH!!!!!

A Prayer

I belong to an internet group for us pregnant girls. It sounds like an interesting concept, lots of pregnant women in one place to disagree on things, share stories, and give advice. It gives us a chance to see pregnancy from all the different perspectives and teach us that we are not alone in the things we're going through.

Well, at the beginning, when we all joined the board (for moms due in December) we were paired up with someone like us. Someone who is going through something similar to our own situations, and we were supposed to keep in touch with that person throughout this entire experience. My partners name was Kate.

On June 26, she lost her son. She was sixteen weeks pregnant. It is every mother's greatest fear, and though it wasn't her fault, and there was nothing she could have done, she is heartbroken. And so, I dedicate this post to her little boy who is there with God now, and I pray that she heals from this. She has become a good friend very quickly, and she was there for me with lots of support and advice in my hard times. God gives us a baby when we need one most. She needed that baby to learn something about herself, and now, his time on this earth is over. She will see him again. I know she will. May God bless my friend and her family.

-PGee

Low

So, Evan had disappeared off the radar for a while, and I had pretty much given up on him. Well, he sent me an email about my doctor's appointment today, asking if he could go. I told him yes, and he already knew the time and stuff. So, I'm sitting in the waiting room, and he never shows. After being forty-five minutes late, I decided to call him at work...He didn't show up for work today! It's one thing to be stood up , but at the doctor by the father of your baby for an OB appointment! Unless he's dead or in a coma, he could have let me know he wasn't going to go. I will get to the bottom of this, if it takes everything I have. I will not let some jackass play games with me.

-MAD PG

My Dog Catches Flies, Kills them, then Waits Until I Come to See

It never ceases to amaze me, the little things an animal can do. My dog from time to time likes to pretend that he is a badass and do something animalistic, even though he is roughly the size of a large rabbit, and I'm pretty sure the only thing he would ever kill is a fly.

For the past hour, he has been sitting on the floor of the living room, stalking flies. He will go after one, kill it, then sit by it until I come to see that it's dead. Then he will walk away from it and move on to the next one. I just thought I would comment on this because it just amazes me how smart my dog really is. I can't wait to watch my baby develop and discover things like that.

One of These Days You're Gonna Love Me

And so it ends for now. Of course, I was reminded that if "Pamela and Tommy can get back together a hundred or so plastic surgeries and several trips to rehab later, anything is possible." But my hopes aren't up. Right now, I am focused on what is important: my baby. I will not play games with Evan any longer. I will not let Mandy or Evan's parents control my life any more. This chapter in my life has closed finally. It was a long overdue ending.

Fruit, Depression, and the Kicking Baby

Today, Evan and I got in what can only be described as a terrible fight, even though we never actually spoke. He called me a few days ago to tell me in a very strange attitude that he had something really good to tell me but he didn't have the words, so he would email it later. The email finally came and it just said "I want to go to the doctor's appointment with you. I want to make sure you're healthy and the baby is healthy. I want to be in the baby's life, no matter what." I was shocked, but I had a very uneasy feeling for some reason. It was exactly what I wanted, so why was I scared?

Then, it hit me. I had a horrible feeling in my heart, and I was afraid that his crazy ex had come back into the picture. Now, Evan and I are not together, by any means, and if he wanted to be with someone else, then he can do whatever he wants, but this girl, let's call her Mandy, is PSYCHO. She stalks me on myspace, she has actually had friends call Evan to see if he was with me, and when he didn't answer her third call, she would start to send him insane angry text messages. Then, she moved on to harassing me through texts and emails. It got horribly out of hand, and Evan keeps her life away from me, but he has said she is a psycho spoiled bitch. So, why did I feel like she was back? I decided to settle this fear, I would ask him. I called him. No answer. Ok, he's at home and busy. I emailed him. The only reply I got was "When is the doctor's appointment?" But no answer to my question. I asked again. Still, I got the same email reply. This time I sent him a text message asking what was going on, and again, I got an email with the exact same thing. Something weird was happening, and I lost it. I started texting, and calling like crazy wanting to know who he thought he was treating me like crap. Then, three unanswered calls later, my fourth call was met with the message you get when someone blocks your number.

I got an email saying he would not play games and he wanted to know about the doctor's appointment.

So, I spent the day crying. Meanwhile, the baby went nuts. I felt the first movements today during all the chaos. It was almost like he was screaming "Stop fighting!" It only made me cry more. During all this depression, when I would usually be eating chocolate and ice cream, all I wanted was strawberries and sour grapes for some reason. When we ran out of grapes, I tore the kitchen apart, trying a plumb, and orange, and some yogurt. None of them hit the craving, and now I just want strawberries and to stop crying.

Boys just Make it Harder

Well, Evan has decided to be completely involved all of a sudden. He just made my life, believe it or not, harder. Now, all I can do is plan all this stuff around him. He thinks it's going to be the best thing, but it just makes things more complicated than they already were in my head. I hope this works out for the best.

Definitions

Today, I was defined. A good friend of mine came to visit me, and while he was here, he got a phone call from one of his friends. He said he was hanging out with his friend, PGee, and she said "Who's that?" Well, I was defined as his "crazy pregnant friend in an on again off again relationship with a guy who is perfect for her but he won't get his shit together and realize it so they fight a lot. She also has more crazy stuff happen to her than anyone I know." So, there I am, all defined in two sentences, and it got me thinking: how are we really defined?

We are all mothers, daughters, or sisters to someone, and a lot of times, we are more defined by the relationships we have with people than by who we are. For the first few months of college, I was known simply as "Evan's girlfriend." It was like my official title. Also, I know my brother lives in my shadow as "PGee's little brother," everywhere he goes. Then, we get pregnant, and our lives are redefined all over again.

Now, we are all about the baby. For us, a lot of people only see Evan and I as the people who are having a baby. We've lost friends and found friends we didn't expect from this. We've had support and discouragement. It seemed for a while that all we would be remembered for is this baby.

Now, don't get me wrong, I love my baby more than anything in this world, and he isn't even born yet, but I am not just this "pregnant girl," and when the baby is born, I will not just be his or her mother. I feel like mothers everywhere lose themselves in their children, and as a result, we see crazed pageant mothers and stage mothers who live their lives through their children, so, I think we should declare one day a week as "Me" day. It's hard. Life is demanding, but when we start to lose ourselves, what kind of parents will we be?

Mother-to-Be Special

They say your hair, skin, and nails are amazing during pregnancy. People talk about the glow and that healthy shine in your hair. My ass. That's all I have to say. My face is so broken out, I would rather hide in my room than let anyone see my face, and if, by healthy hair, they meant everywhere but on your head, then they were right about that part. So, to make myself feel less like some creature from the deep, I had a Mother-to-Be special at the spa down the street.

I thought it was a little pricey, $215, but if I had the money to do it every week, I would never leave that place! It was the best I've felt in a LONG time. First, I got a pedicure and manicure. I'm not one for fingernail polish, but it was worth it just for the foot massage you get! I actually want to look at my feet now, and my fingernails all match. Also, I loved the whole staff, from my manicurist to my stylist. First, the manicurist and I talked about vacation. And now my toenails and fingernails are a shiny shade of coral.

Then, I got a massage. I didn't know how much stress I had in my back until it was gone, and it felt great! I feel like I will be the happiest person alive as long as the stress doesn't come back, which, I give a day, tops. The masseuse was probably my favorite person of the day. She was hilarious. I don't know what it is about massages, but your mouth seems to ease with your tension, so I told her all the dramas of my pregnancy. I must say, my day was made when I told her about Evan's crazy ex who stalks me and she said "Oh, my God. What a nut-case crack whore!" It was amazing!

After that, I got a facial, where I was basically told never to touch my face again. She said my face will eventually heal from the acne this beautiful blessing has graced me with, and in the meantime, all I could do was wait. Then, she used some tool to suck out my blackheads and put a mask on me.

My last service was a hair cut and style. My hair refused to cooperate today, and she tried three times to style my hair before her next appointment without success. I love the cut though! She gave me her card and told me to call and set up a time to just come in and get my hair played with because she was curious to see what products would work best. I'm up for that, so I will be calling soon.

My day was over-all fabulous. Then, I had to come back to my dark little dorm room hell, but at least I felt cute! It was well worth the money, and I will be doing it again at least once before this baby is born!

-PGee [is now feeling terrific and beautiful]

Then the Boobs Come Out

Many people know a sign of pregnancy is growth. Growth in the tummy and growth in the chest. So, is that a good thing? I mean, what is Christina Aguillera now? An E? Personally, I was just fine with my chest size. You can't get much bigger without crossing into fake for me...but no, 32DD wasn't big enough (thats 34D for the standard bra manufacturers). So, last night Evan clearly pointed out to me that they are officially huge and they hurt like hell. What happens when my body moves into breast feeding mode? They will get HUGE, and I can't even do anything about it! It's not like I'll have the rest of the body to go with them! But getting knocked up can come with its challenges, and it's time to move from the sexy part of my Victoria's Secret wardrobe (trust me, there are plenty...) and move to the practical side. I've decided to pass my knowledge on to all of you. This isn't just for the pregnant girls either. It's for anyone looking for the right practical and comfortable bra. The ladies on my pregnancy message board have told me I was pretty handy with this subject.

Well, one of the problems with boobs getting bigger is that the start to get heavier too. If you aren't used to the extra weight, what do you do? Let's face it, pregnancy is one of the first steps towards that sag we joke so much about. Also, the demi cup is not your friend when they're growing so quickly or when they are just a little extra round.

Victoria's Secret's Full Coverage Uplift bra has saved my bra wardrobe. The full coverage cup is my new best friend. The uplift part doesn't push me out so there's "love handles" on my breasts when I put on a bra. That's a little tacky to see through a shirt after all. The uplift just gives me that extra support that I need to keep the weight off. When they break down your pregnancy weight gain, no one ever factors in the extra 2 to 5 pounds on your chest! This is also a great bra for all of you bigger chested people. Don't be fooled. This pushup doesn't push up, it holds up. It provides the best support I've ever found.

But hey, I'm in college, and for now, at least, someone might see the bra, so I don't want all my bras to be mom-bras, right? And for all you older women, who does it hurt that you try to be a little sexy too? For all of you ladies, I love my Victoria's Secret Angel's Air Pushup bra. It's like a full coverage cup on a sexy bra. There is lace detailing and it's cute. The air push up instead of heavy padding feels much more natural to me, and I don't feel quite so old when I wear it.

So, there's my bra advice. Also, when they start to get bigger in one cup size but they're too small for the next size up, never underestimate the power of the sister size. Bras are made proportionally so moving up a band size might seem dumb if you're on the smallest hook of your size already, but the cups get slightly bigger, and it usually makes up for the difference. Always ask about the sister size. Up a band, down a cup. And please, ladies, GET MEASURED PROFESSIONALLY!!! You can just walk into any Victoria's Secret or Dillards and ask to be measured. You don't have to buy anything. Just because your Wal-Mart bra fits in one size, a high quality bra will last you longer and will fit totally different. I only buy from Victoria's Secret because I'm comfortable with their sizing, but lots of people feel that way about several stores. Just remember, you get what you pay for, and 75% of women are settling for a bra that fits "OK." Demand better. Demand the best bra you've ever worn. Be comfortable. You deserve it.

PGee [is putting her feet up today]

Never Trust a Man

I thought I had found the perfect man once. He was everything I wanted (we're going to call him Evan). I knew he would love me until the day I died and we would have children and grow old together. I trusted him with my life. That is where I learned this hard lesson: NEVER trust a man. Men are unpredictable. We women are accused of that crime, but the truth is, it's expected of us. Men, on the other hand, are their own brand of crafty, and they can shock you with unpredictable decisions that you never expect.

The one correct prediction about Evan was that we would have a child. He treated me like crap for a little while. Things were bad, and my own stupid heart kept saying "Give him a chance. He was such a good man before. I just know he can be that man again." Then, we found out about the baby. He was so distant. I saw the little bit of relationship we had die, and my heart was truly broken, but I knew I had to move forward and do what would be best for my baby with or without him.

Then, tonight, I broke my rule again. I trusted him to be a jerk and treat me like crap. Now, I know better. He came to see me tonight. He said things to me that I hadn't heard out of his mouth in almost a year. It was unprovoked, and he had nothing to gain from it. It was just a random incident. A random confession from the heart. I saw a piece of the man I'd fallen in love with. He reached out and touched the part of my heart I had blocked off with traffic cones, and for the first time since finding out that I was pregnant, I know it will all be ok, whether we are together when it's over or not.

So, remember ladies. Never trust a man. Never trust him to treat you right, and never trust him to stay an ass forever. When you least expect it, he will do something great.

PGee

Who Picks What Goes on TV Now?

I'm sitting here eating a salad and watching TV. It's 12:40 in the morning and the only thing on worth watching is SNL re-runs on E! So, I decided to take this time to voice my opinion on television and ask "Who the hell picks the crap we watch?"

I'm going to start with the E! network. I love E! I like to watch Girls Next Door, The Soup with Joel McHale, and I want to be just like Chelsea Handler on Chelsea Lately, but other than that and an occasionly interesting E! True Hollywood Story, the quality of their shows is really sucking lately.

First of all, The Daily Ten: It's a good enough idea. Who doesn't want to see the top stories in entertainment news? But who hired these people to read it? I don't even know their names. I find myself so distracted by the guy who tries to be funny but doesn't know how, the blond who talks like a total idiot and tries to do all kinds of accents that she can't do, and the brunette who tries to match the blond. She doesn't sound as dumb and talentless, but she's trying. One day, she will achieve it. Now, my least favorite is the blond. The others would not be so bad on their own, but this girl seriously missed some classes in speech lessons. She tries these accents that all sound the same, and I find myself wondering who she knows at that network or who did she sleep with to get that job? I could read news better than that. Surely there is some sort of audition process to go through. Hire a TALENTED actress to do this. I don't even pay attention to the stories she reads.

Then, there are the reality shows. The first of these is Keeping up with the Kardashians. I admit that there are some interesting things in the show, for example Khloe is actually trying to have a normal job in the store. She's probably the only one anyone could hold an intelligent conversation with out of the girls. What's the deal with Kim? Really, she isn't an actress or singer. She says she's a model, but what have we seen her model? She's no Giselle or Heidi Klum. She's a spoiled brat that just whines the entire time. There was one episode where she threw her mom's cell phone off a balcony because her mom told her to get off it. It doesn't matter how old I am, I would never throw my mother's cell phone off a balcony. That is the sort of temper tantrum a five year old throws. I feel really sorry for Bruce.

Then, there's Living Lohan. The only thing I have to say about that, because I watched the first episode and will not watch it again, is how many times will the mom call Lindsey since she so publicly declared Lindsey would not be allowed on the show since she would only be taking away from Alley, who has no talent and only has a career because she's Lindsey's little sister.

On my list of other pointlessly stupid shows on TV is A Shot at Love 2 with Tila Tequila. The problem with that show is in the title. A Shot at Love 2?!? Obviously that should have been a clue to the contestants that it won't work out and there will just be another season while she makes out with as many girls and guys as possible and makes them do ridiculous things. How can you fall in love with someone on TV in that short a time anyway? Sure, the bachelor continues to do it, and I don't think that's a very good show idea either. But don't these people realize, Tila will pick someone, dump them, then be in production for the next season. There's probably a contract?? It's like Flavor of Love. Eventually, Tila will just pick her first love or someone that wasn't even on the show.

I WILL NOT watch the Hills. Reality shows do not make you famous actresses, and the point of reality is that it's unscripted.

So, other than that one news show, my real problem is with reality shows in general. Survivor was a cool idea. It still has a relevant fan base. I don't watch it because I'm not into that kind of thing, but following people around with a camera just because they have money or some special tie to someone does not make good reality TV.

Oh, and for those of you who don't know, Clay Aiken is having a child with a woman. He was already married to try to prove his sexuality. Nothing says "I HAVE to be straight" like donating sperm to someone. Just thought I'd add that. This world has some pretty crummy role models.

What does this have to do with pregnancy? Well, I have to watch this garbage. Eventually, my baby will be able to hear it, and I will have a girl pre-exposed to anorexia or a son mesmerized by stupid television and hot super models before he leaves the womb. We need to protect our kids!

PGee

College Roommate Rant and a Few Guidelines to Think about when Picking One Out

There is something very important to remember when choosing a college roommate. If you don't have the option to choose, make sure and find these things out quickly when you get a roommate so you can switch if needed.

I have a roommate, let's call her Sarah, and Sarah has a boyfriend, let's call him Mike. Very quickly, I learned several things I should have paid closer attention to when I suggested she and I room together. I think a roommate picked by a role of the dice would be a little better in this situation. I'm hormonal and I have a lot of needs during my pregnancy. It's hard to yell at someone you're friends with because she's insensitive to that. I've decided to write this so no one has this problem. Maybe you'll see some of these signs before you move in.

Make sure your roommate's boyfriend does not live in the dorm with her for absolutely no reason at all other than he doesn't feel the need to go home.
Mike never leaves. For the first few days, they were always at his place. I thought this was going to be an easy summer because they wouldn't be here. Wrong! Turns out they were only gone because our air conditioner was broken. Once it was fixed, they were here all the time. They never leave, either of them. Then, I was informed that he had his own spare key. Since we can't copy keys for our dorm rooms, I'm not sure how this happened, but I'm not very comfortable with it.

Set bathroom time limit rules; if she isn't ok with limiting the bath time she spends with the boyfriend to less than an hour, living with her will be miserable when you're pregnant and have to pee.
Sarah and Mike like to take baths together. They don't have sex in the bathroom, thank God, but they do sit in the bathroom for a very long time talking. It's not my business what they do in their personal lives, but when my bladder calls, I don't want to wait two hours to get in. I also think it is kind of disrespectful to be so open about it. I at least would turn the vent on so someone couldn't hear everything I said.

Find out if she and her boyfriend have a healthy relationship. Do they fight all the time? Do they have sex all the time? Both? When they share a wall with you, it's not fun to listen to them, no matter what they're doing.
So, Sarah and Mike spent the day having sex and fighting. I can hear all of it. They don't do anything to try and keep the noise down, and it occurred to me that I never hear them do anything else.

If they drink, find out how much, and make sure they can hold their alcohol. No one likes to listen to the resulting vomit of a hangover from four to nine in the morning.
This is the big one for me. I obviously cannot drink. Sarah told me when she first moved in that Mike likes to drink a lot. I lock the door to my room at night. There's no telling what he might do if he gets drunk enough. I don't appreciate them bringing so much alcohol into the dorm because of several safety reasons and because it's against the rules. If they ever get checked, I will sing like a bird about the alcohol. I'm not getting kicked out of school. Then, last night, they decided to go out to some party around midnight. At four in the morning, they came in WASTED. They were loud and horrible, but I was too tired to get up and say something. Then, twenty minutes later, the vomit ensued. What the hell? He threw up in the bathroom ALL MORNING. It wasn't just regular vomiting either. He made these horrible moaning sounds too. This lasted for almost the entire morning before it finally stopped, and, guilty as I felt later, I secretly wished he had just asphyxiated on his own vomit.Then, I left for a little while to get some food. When I came back around seven at night, he was still throwing up like that. Then, I went out with my parents for a little while. When I came home, he was here alone, drinking.

I'm about to go pre-natal on their asses and really let the hormones loose. One more incident like this, and I think I will.

PGee

This Craving Business

So, Im not exactly craving pickles and ice cream or anything, but I am craving fried chicken like crazy, especially chicken strips. The weird thing is, it's not chicken strips from the same place. Monday, I might want Sonic strips, Tuesday I want Cane's, and Wednesday, I want Popeyes! It's getting a little crazy. I want lemonade all the time too. I think this kid is taking after me with the friend chicken. It started with a small peanut butter craving that made me cry sometimes. Now, it's friend chicken and lemonade every day. This has been a two week thing, and it's about time it stops. Now, I'm hungry. So, let me try to make this blog useful while I'm at it.

Pregnant and craving the unhealthy stuff? That's OK. You're going to hear me refer to What to Expect when You're Expecting a lot. It's like the pregnancy bible. I live by it. But in this case, I'm going to talk about another book. I read in the book from my doctor's office that when you're pregnant, it's OK to eat pretty much whatever you want (unless you get GD...but let's be optimistic and assume you don't). Pregnancy is the time when you're put on the easiest diet in existence. You're supposed to increase your calorie count. Just keep it balanced with healthy stuff too. I eat fried chicken pretty much once a day every day,and I'm trying to quit by weening off on chicken strips salads, but I've also found that baked chicken with ketchup or a grilled chicken sandwich usually settles the craving for me, and they're healthier! Chicken that's baked or grilled can also help settle your stomach too, and it's got plenty of protein. I also try to eat a salad or a baked potato instead of fries (thank God for Wendy's).

As far as lemonade goes, it's OK to drink. Being pregnant means you need lots of water, and I find the easiest way to make sure I'm drinking enough is to mix half of one of those to go lemonade packets in a bottle of water. Be careful on juice intake though, cause my mom (Mom always knows best, right) assures me that there is far too much sodium in most juices, and while they are a step up from soda (ha I didn't say Cokes) they still can't beat good old water. So, try lemon and lime in water instead. Lime is actually good if you try it.

So, still trying to be healthy and fight those bad cravings? Instead of a candy bar, I eat chocolate drizzle Fiber One bars. I swear by them, and they are great! They're also a good source of fiber. I eat dried rice chex now instead of chips, and when the fruit snack craving hits me on occasion, I go for the real stuff.

Keep eating! I think I would rather deal with a happy pregnant woman with slightly unhealthy eating habits then a bitch on health food.

-PGee