My Vacation from Heck

Well, this has been one interesting vacation, just like I thought it would be. First though, you need to understand a little bit about my family.

My mom has four sisters. My grandpa is suffering from some sort of dementia, but he hasnt been to the doctor yet to find out exactly what it is and what they can do. He hallucinates, and he's sort of like an obnoxious child. He always has to be the center of attention, and he's very very stubborn. He's also more or less a selfish chauvinistic old man. He grew up in a family where boys were more important than girls, and he was spoiled. He's not a mean old man, he's just really selfish. My poor grandma takes care of both him and my mom's oldest sister who has a serious mental illness.

Well, all the stress is getting to my grandma so my mom and her other sisters decided we would go on a big family vacation. (My mom is the baby) for work reasons, my aunt thats right above my mom in age couldn't come, so it was my mom, her older sister, and the next oldest sister, who is just as stubborn as my grandpa. Sounds like it's going to be a blast, right? Not to mention, my aunt is a serious pack rat and has a money spending problem that her husband doesn't actually know about.

So we rented a condo on a beach and decided to come for the week. My aunt basically told my grandpa he had no choice. All he does is sit in a recliner all day back home and watch tv while my grandma with her really bad knees does everything for him.

They rode in a different car, so I don't know what their trip was like, but I'm pretty sure my grandfather complained, my aunt argued with him, my other aunt talked to herself, and my uncle told them to shut up while my grandma just sat there.

First night here, I think I have a urinary tract infection (I still don't know if I do or not. I've been drinking so much water I can barely stand it. I pea every ten minutes, it feels like. I'll find out on Monday for sure) So, I'm crying and my mom and aunt rush me off to the grocery store to buy LOTS of water and cranberry juice, not telling my grandma so she won't worry about me too, and my dad looks up an urgent care clinic just in case it gets bad. Thankfully, it never got that bad.

So, the next day, my mom, my aunts, my grandma, and i pile into the car for a day of shopping while my uncle and dad take my brother to a go cart track and my grandpa sits in the condo (against the protests of both me and my aunt) alone. We were almost done shopping when my grandma trips over one of those concrete things in the parking lot so you don't pull up to far, falls, and cuts her head open with her glasses. Chaos ensues. My grandma is so convinced that my grandpa will do nothing but worry, so we are told NOT to tell him until it's taken care of. The cut was so deep, it was horrible. My grandma said it didn't even hurt. Thank God my dad had found that urgent care clinic the night before for me, so the women rushed her there while my dad and uncle and brother went back to stay with my grandpa and just don't tell him. We sit in urgent care for a few hours while the put five stitches in my grandmother. I've never had stitches before, but im told it is one of the most painful things to have that needle put in the cut area to numb it. My grandma just said it was cold. So, my mom calls her other sister back home just to let her know what happened and that everything is ok. My aunt calls her daughter who calls me telling me that she was crying her eyes out, guilty for not being here because if it were serious, we were too far for her to get here. It was nuts! On the way back to the condo, all my grandma said was thank God it wasn't my oldest aunt, who is very heavy, because she would have probably broken something. She never complained about the pain, and she would get mad when we fussed over her. Finally I had to take her aside and tell her that she would do no less for me or my mom, and we just want to make sure she is taken care of. (I hate to say it, but i think im her favorite grandchild. I'm not sure why, but im the only one she ever listens to, talks to, and wants to do stuff with...)

We get back to the condo...My grandpa not only doesn't notice, but starts griping at her because he's been waiting for her to get back so she would fix him a sandwich. This was my only moment of anger in the last week...I almost told him to fix his own d*** sandwich. I had to just leave the room. Finally, my grandma showed him the HUGE patch on her forehead, and told him my mom would have to wake her up every two hours that night to make sure she didnt have a concussion. He just says, "How am I supposed to sleep if they're waking you up?" He also made some comment about how if she had stayed with him to keep him company she wouldn't have gotten hurt. My grandmother told my mom to wake her up, take her to the bathroom, and turn the light on there so they wouldn't wake my grandfather. Then, she decided to fix me a more comfortable bed because I had said that morning that my back was bothering me! This morning when we went shopping again, she said she didnt want to go because she was tired, but when my uncle said he was staying behind, she told me that she really did want to go but my grandpa didnt want to stay alone. he told her he was worried about the hurricane that isn't even coming anywhere near us...he's just using it as an excuse so one of us will feel sorry for him and take him home because he was ready to leave when he got here. So, we went shopping again, and my grandma with her bad knees almost fought with me over me sitting in the front seat of the car. I get car sick sometimes and she was worried I would get sick so she argued with me about sitting in the front when its way more comfortable for her knees for her to stretch out. I finally had to plant myself in the back and tell her I was not moving and she could not make me. She gave in.

We went to a store, I found my mom an early Christmas present (its almost a disease in my family. Christmas shopping is done for us by September) and I tried to sneak it to the car. My grandma lied to my mom and told her I'd gone to the bathroom so she wouldn't notice, and when I got back, she said "where were you?" I said "the bathroom" and my handicapped aunt says "No you werent. i was there. you werent there." lol.

Then tonight I talked them into going to a Japanese steakhouse where they cook the hibatchi in front of you. It was so cool. My and my dad are the only ones who've ever had Japanese food before, and my mom complained about it the whole time. She is very close minded. My grandpa also complained. In the end though, it was all good, and there was lots of joking about how the entire staff of the restaurant seemed to be Mexican. It was strange.

I think this trip has led me to understand a little better what kind of people I really come from. I always knew my mom, and sitting in a waiting room with your aunt while your mom takes your grandma to get stitches is really boring, and she and I talked about almost everything we could think of. I saw though how unselfish a person can be, almost to a fault. It was absolutely amazing, and my grandma has a very special place in Heaven for the way she takes care of my aunt and grandpa. All I could do was buy her a T shirt on this trip, and she was so excited when I gave it to her that she almost cried, which I've never seen her do. She actually jokes about the stitches and said she was going to tell my cousin (who has an eyebrow ring) that she wanted a piercing too but it didn't go well.

Meanwhile, I had some sort of anxiety attack on the balcony of the condo, and my mom had to sit inside with me because I couldn't stop crying, having the sudden realization that I'm terrified of heights...Took me almost twenty years to figure it out, I guess...lol. Must be some sort of pregnancy thing. Also, I hate beaches already, but I couldn't even go near the water on this trip. My doctor told me to find out my allergies and Clay's allergies and stay far far away from those things because the baby could have inherited them and even have a reaction from the womb. Well, if you're allergic to wasps like Clay is, you are almost definitely allergic to jelly fish, and they have swarmed the coast this summer. I had to stay way back on the beach while my family put their feet in the waves.

I still feel kind of crummy as far as the possible UTI thing goes, but I don't tell my mom its the same because the last thing she needs is more to worry about. She knows I still feel bad though cause she is constantly asking me if I need something, and so is my grandma.

The Injustice of Pregnancy

Ok, so I couldn't do it anymore and had to ask my mom to borrow money for some new jeans. She was really cool about it, and we went shopping. And I just got to thinking, how freaking unfair is this? Yes, I will have the option to take him to court and get child support from him once the baby is born, but what about now?

I passed Evan on the street today. He was in his car with his ex. (I was told btw, that he's just using her to cover things with his parents) All I could think of was, God, I hope he's happy with his life, driving his nice new car, living for free off his parents, and probably just making enough money to take that skank out every day. Meanwhile, I have to pay rent, food, I can't get a car because I don't have enough money to pay the payments and insurance, I have to think about college but he's already graduated, and I have to buy a few clothes because I keep gaining weight. He pays to put gas in his car and then whatever else he wants to do while he looks for a job with his stupid degree (theater...like anything is going to happen with that) and I'm basically living with nothing. I finally sucked it up and applied for WIC so I could make sure I was eating healthy.

It really ticks me off that the man just produces the sperm, and I know we joke about how a man should have to go through pregnancy, but seriously, there is nothing to force them to take responsibility for their actions from the moment they find out. Whoever the poor mother of a child is with this kind of father has to wait for nine months to get any help from him and then it has to be forced.

So that's my bitching for the day. AHHHHHHH!!!!!

A Prayer

I belong to an internet group for us pregnant girls. It sounds like an interesting concept, lots of pregnant women in one place to disagree on things, share stories, and give advice. It gives us a chance to see pregnancy from all the different perspectives and teach us that we are not alone in the things we're going through.

Well, at the beginning, when we all joined the board (for moms due in December) we were paired up with someone like us. Someone who is going through something similar to our own situations, and we were supposed to keep in touch with that person throughout this entire experience. My partners name was Kate.

On June 26, she lost her son. She was sixteen weeks pregnant. It is every mother's greatest fear, and though it wasn't her fault, and there was nothing she could have done, she is heartbroken. And so, I dedicate this post to her little boy who is there with God now, and I pray that she heals from this. She has become a good friend very quickly, and she was there for me with lots of support and advice in my hard times. God gives us a baby when we need one most. She needed that baby to learn something about herself, and now, his time on this earth is over. She will see him again. I know she will. May God bless my friend and her family.

-PGee

Low

So, Evan had disappeared off the radar for a while, and I had pretty much given up on him. Well, he sent me an email about my doctor's appointment today, asking if he could go. I told him yes, and he already knew the time and stuff. So, I'm sitting in the waiting room, and he never shows. After being forty-five minutes late, I decided to call him at work...He didn't show up for work today! It's one thing to be stood up , but at the doctor by the father of your baby for an OB appointment! Unless he's dead or in a coma, he could have let me know he wasn't going to go. I will get to the bottom of this, if it takes everything I have. I will not let some jackass play games with me.

-MAD PG

My Dog Catches Flies, Kills them, then Waits Until I Come to See

It never ceases to amaze me, the little things an animal can do. My dog from time to time likes to pretend that he is a badass and do something animalistic, even though he is roughly the size of a large rabbit, and I'm pretty sure the only thing he would ever kill is a fly.

For the past hour, he has been sitting on the floor of the living room, stalking flies. He will go after one, kill it, then sit by it until I come to see that it's dead. Then he will walk away from it and move on to the next one. I just thought I would comment on this because it just amazes me how smart my dog really is. I can't wait to watch my baby develop and discover things like that.

One of These Days You're Gonna Love Me

And so it ends for now. Of course, I was reminded that if "Pamela and Tommy can get back together a hundred or so plastic surgeries and several trips to rehab later, anything is possible." But my hopes aren't up. Right now, I am focused on what is important: my baby. I will not play games with Evan any longer. I will not let Mandy or Evan's parents control my life any more. This chapter in my life has closed finally. It was a long overdue ending.

Fruit, Depression, and the Kicking Baby

Today, Evan and I got in what can only be described as a terrible fight, even though we never actually spoke. He called me a few days ago to tell me in a very strange attitude that he had something really good to tell me but he didn't have the words, so he would email it later. The email finally came and it just said "I want to go to the doctor's appointment with you. I want to make sure you're healthy and the baby is healthy. I want to be in the baby's life, no matter what." I was shocked, but I had a very uneasy feeling for some reason. It was exactly what I wanted, so why was I scared?

Then, it hit me. I had a horrible feeling in my heart, and I was afraid that his crazy ex had come back into the picture. Now, Evan and I are not together, by any means, and if he wanted to be with someone else, then he can do whatever he wants, but this girl, let's call her Mandy, is PSYCHO. She stalks me on myspace, she has actually had friends call Evan to see if he was with me, and when he didn't answer her third call, she would start to send him insane angry text messages. Then, she moved on to harassing me through texts and emails. It got horribly out of hand, and Evan keeps her life away from me, but he has said she is a psycho spoiled bitch. So, why did I feel like she was back? I decided to settle this fear, I would ask him. I called him. No answer. Ok, he's at home and busy. I emailed him. The only reply I got was "When is the doctor's appointment?" But no answer to my question. I asked again. Still, I got the same email reply. This time I sent him a text message asking what was going on, and again, I got an email with the exact same thing. Something weird was happening, and I lost it. I started texting, and calling like crazy wanting to know who he thought he was treating me like crap. Then, three unanswered calls later, my fourth call was met with the message you get when someone blocks your number.

I got an email saying he would not play games and he wanted to know about the doctor's appointment.

So, I spent the day crying. Meanwhile, the baby went nuts. I felt the first movements today during all the chaos. It was almost like he was screaming "Stop fighting!" It only made me cry more. During all this depression, when I would usually be eating chocolate and ice cream, all I wanted was strawberries and sour grapes for some reason. When we ran out of grapes, I tore the kitchen apart, trying a plumb, and orange, and some yogurt. None of them hit the craving, and now I just want strawberries and to stop crying.